My COVID Journey, Part 6 — It was Beyond Me
Salisbury Post-November 1, 2020
Just when isolation seemed to be lasting forever.
Just when my bedroom walls had closed in on me.
Just when COVID seemed to have taken all my strength.
For the first time in 17 days I woke up — and thought of something other than COVID.
Had I missed paying some bills?
Had my boys been completing their schoolwork?
Was the mental fog getting better?
Would my vision and watery eyes get back to normal?
Would I ever be able to breathe normally?
I wanted to get up. I wanted to get dressed. I wanted to go outside. I wanted to walk.
My first walk outside ended up being 106 steps to the mailbox and back. It was shockingly difficult. I felt as if my entire body was shaking from the movement. Every step made it harder to breathe.
As much as I would like to say that the short walk gave me hope, it actually did the opposite. It frightened me. Would I ever feel normal again?
I tried again. This time, I did not look down at each step I took — I looked up instead.
The trees. So tall. So green.
That sky! The blue was so blue.
I realized I had taken a few steps without even thinking about my breathing.
I noticed my front porch rocking chair. The few extra steps I took to get there made my breathing more labored. After knocking away a few spider webs from the chair, I sat. My normal had not arrived, but this day felt special.
My family had been my ‘why’ throughout it all.
They were needing me — and I was needing them.
So, from my rocking chair, I watched them. Hoverboards, bikes, ring toss, basketball, yard work. It felt special.
The weakness was starting to diminish.
Mental fog, vision, watery eyes, and breathing issues remained.
Overall, I was hopeful.
I stayed out of bed a little longer.
I stayed on my porch a little longer.
One day my life would return to normal — but I knew it would never be the same.
This was beyond me — for it was in God’s Hands.
I had no doubt. God was doing a great work that would change me forever.